Twilight zone

Things seem to be back up for the moment, which is always great. I went to see my therapist today and we had a rather good session. I really like him because he doesn’t try to assure me that my problems will go away or anything, but instead has a very realistic view or opinion of things. He really seems to sympathize with me in a way that you wouldn’t usually think of. Anyway, I really get a lot out of every session I have with him, even if he does most of the talking (it has happened a couple times).

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As you may already know, I went rafting this weekend. We drove down around 10 o’clock after having breakfast at Brail’s. The car ride was about two hours to Merlin, which is a small town off of I-5, near the Rogue river. We went down past to a little town/resort (there wasn’t much to it other than this resort place) called Galice (pronounced GAH-leese). We checked in and drove up to the little cottage where we were staying to dump off our gear that we didn’t need for the actual rafting. We then walked down to the boat garage to get ourselves tahitis, which are kind of like inflatable canoes. We each got our own for this first trip. We put in at a place called Hog Creek, which is a few miles upriver of Galice. It took a little getting used to, but rowing in a tahiti isn’t terribly hard. Our first mishap actually happened pretty early on, in the first section of rapids actually. Two of our group (there were five) tipped after running into each other right next to this huge rock. The following section was pretty calm, but it is apparently very hard to get into a tahiti from the water with or without help. I stuck back with them to help for this reason.

There were a couple of other spills during that trip, but for the most part we all managed to stay in our boats. There were some rather exciting parts as well as a few very annoying sections where the wind was blowing up river enough that we went backward if we didn’t keep paddling. I also discovered that day that it is a very good idea to put sunscreen on your thighs when rafting since swimming trunks tend to ride up when you are sitting down for long periods of time. So yeah, I ended the day with some burnt thighs and a very burnt left shoulder (I don’t really know how I missed it) since we were on the river for three hours or so. We stopped at the Galice resort around 5 o’clock and went to dinner shortly thereafter. We were so tired when we got back to the cottage that all we could manage to do was watch part of 300, which I hadn’t seen before, before we all collapsed from exhaustion.

The second day (Saturday), we got a full-sized five or six person raft. I enjoyed this rowing a lot more since you basically have to work together to move the thing, and you move pretty well when you do. I was up front on the left the whole time, so I got wet fairly regularly, which was rather nice (and cold). I couldn’t decide if it was scarier going down the river in the tahitis or on the raft, since it is a lot harder to avoid obstacles in the raft due to its size. We did the full stretch from Hog Creek to Grave Creek, so we saw a large amount of territory that we hadn’t covered the day before, and it took the whole day. We stopped again at Galice for lunch this time before hopping back in our raft for the final (and unfamiliar) section. At one point we came across a very beautiful area alongside the river that had managed to grow into a meadow which then melded with the base of the hills that made up the river valley. It was amazing. I almost wished I had actually brought my camera along in the raft until I remembered how much water was being splashed around. The only problem we had with wind was at the very end (after some particularly exciting rapids) during the last hundred yards. I had some very tired shoulders by the end of the day

We took one of the provided vans back to the resort where we got cleaned up and went to dinner at a nice little restaurant in Merlin called the Backroad Grille or something like that. They had some really good food, including what they called (if I remember correctly) RBG rolls, which are essentially spring rolls stuffed with cream cheese, baked, and then served with a sweet jalapeño sauce. They were extremely good. I had a chicken pot pie that had been baked into a dish with a pastry-like dough just thrown on top. It was really cool to see when they brought it out. After that very good dinner we got ready to go back to the cottage.

As we were walking out, we noticed something very strange: the fading daylight outside was particularly yellow, kind of like we were in some kind of science fiction movie. It was so strange. It seemed like I was wearing some brown-lensed sunglasses, except that I couldn’t take them off. I think we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves speculating about the coloring and how strange it was. The actual sunset itself was very stunning as well, with some of the clouds a bright orange against the blue sky. There were even some very blue clouds in front of the orange ones that made for a great contrast of hues. Overall, it was an amazingly-colored evening. Again, however, we were so bushed that we hit the hay before 10, which gave us just enough time to finish the rest of 300.

The next morning we drove back up to Eugene with four of us in one car, since the other had to leave early to get to a bike race he was taking part in that morning. As we drove, we listened to the playlist on my iPod, which is basically a mix of all of the music that I listen to. While listening to that, I had a bit of an epiphany. I realized that if someone listened to the whole of that list, they could really get a good idea of my personality. I actually talked to my therapist about this and he agreed that music can be a very powerful form of expression, whether it is something you create or just something that you listen to.

Basically, if you want to know who I am, take a day to listen to my playlist. I think it really could give you a good deal of insight into my personality and perhaps explain some of my stranger characteristics.

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Music:
The Beginning Of The End – Guster
Papercut – Linkin Park
Yellow – Coldplay
This Way – On The Rocks
Be My Escape – Reliant K
The Beast And Dragon, Adored – Spoon
Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometime – Beck
Portions for Foxes – Rilo Kiley
Mother, Just Can’t Get Enough – New Radicals
Know Your Onion! – The Shins

Off

Well, I’m off to go rafting with some friends this weekend and we are leaving fairly soon, so this will likely be a short post.

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For some reason it has been a somewhat disappointing week. I’m not sure if there is anything in particular that has made it so, but I realize now that I am slipping back into my semi-depressed state. It may be related to the fact that I don’t think I’m getting enough sleep, but it may also just have to do with how busy I am with school and work.

Basically, there are a few signs that are indicators. First, I start to play video games more often. It is a coping mechanism of sorts kind of like other people get drunk or high instead of facing things. Secondly, I stop working out and/or being active (I didn’t go play ultimate frisbee pickup yesterday, which was really disappointing). Thirdly, my mother notices and I stop being as open with my parents. I don’t know exactly whether it is just that I don’t want them to know that anything is wrong, but I just don’t tell them certain things, or I just have things that I think wouldn’t make them happy. Of course, feelings of loneliness return and I tend to feel sorry for myself. I also worry. One thing about me is that I almost never worry. Yes, I may get a little anxious about things, but not worry. I guess one final thing is that I begin to feel bad about things that I haven’t done successfully or completely. Say, an assignment that I didn’t finish or turn in. Usually this doesn’t phase me at all, which I attribute to my past experiences (when you have failed classes, this instinct kind of disappears).

Like I said, my mother seems to have noticed there is something wrong and she mentioned that I should find some time to see my therapist again, with which I am totally beginning to agree. Problem is, I don’t have a lot of time to spare between my class and work and ultimate. However, I may be able to take a break from work on Monday or Wednesday to go. We’ll see. I’ll probably call him in the next couple days and see what he has available.

Anyway, I’m off soon. I really hope I enjoy this weekend, but I’m not sure how much I’ll be into it. I’m fairly confident that I’ll warm up to it when we get there.

Toodles.

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Music:
Gansta Blues – Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack
We Will Rock You – Queen
Everything You Ever – Dr. Horrible
Music That Puts Everything Together – Jason Webley
Short Circuit – Daft Punk

The Great Red Spot and shrimp in my hand

I apologize for the infrequency of my postings. I would love to make one post every two or three days, but sometimes the topic on my mind for the few days (or longer) is of a more personal manner. I’m glad I was able to write my last post, since I wouldn’t normally do that. But hey, this is the internet and everything seems to find its way here somehow. I’m not sure of the coherence of that statement and whether it follows, but it is…well, it is actually a rather silly statement. Moving on.

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Last Friday I went to the coast on a field trip with my ecology class. We had to leave at 6:30, so I needed to get up around 5:00, which I don’t like to do very often as I tend to get to bed after midnight or later. For that, though, I was able to get to bed a little early, despite the fact that I had to run to Sundance at 10:15 or so to get bread for my lunch the next day and get something to feed myself for dinner. I had had a rather busy day and I played ultimate that evening, so I was pretty bushed.

Anyway, I was one of the drivers for the trip, so I didn’t have the luxury of sleeping in the van on the way, which really hit me about an hour and a half or so into the drive. I managed to stay awake for the whole drive there. We went to Yaquina Head, which is just north of Newport, to take some observational data and poke around in the tide pools. This was a pretty cool area and had some really interesting creatures like sea urchins, sea anemones, crabs and some other intriguing stuff including a whole lot of some sort of fly, which were everywhere. Part of the fun in that area was to just keep one’s balance on the rocks and swat at the flies at the same time. I wasn’t too bothered by the flies, but I saw a couple of tourists who just couldn’t handle it and gave up the magic of the tide pools for the safety of the wind on the higher ground. It was a beautiful day, so the conditions were mild and just a little warm.

After visiting the little museum nearby the light house, we drove down to the Hatfield Marine Science Center, which is located right next to the Rogue brewery and the Newport aquarium. There we took samples in a nearby mud flat on Yaquina bay, just a little inland. We used what are called “shrimp guns” to dig down into the mud to find organisms. The “gun” is basically some PVC pipe with a plunger inside that one can use to suck up mud and extrude it up for examination. Our professor actually found a live shrimp after taking a number of random samples nearby, which was really cool. I even held the shrimp in my hand for a few minutes. It is rather amazing. The shrimp at first didn’t move at all, but eventually it began to scrape its legs on my hand, as if trying to burrow. It is such a strange sensation to have something lightly scraping the center of your palm. If you get the chance, try this. After that, we put the shrimp back down in a hole to find its burrow again.

We had lunch just outside of the science center, which is actually connected to OSU somehow. There wasn’t a whole lot to the center available to the public, but it had a number of live specimens, the octopus being one of the cooler ones. It was fun to just watch it breathe, actually, let alone the movement of its arms. The also had an interesting interactive globe which would project the planets on its surface so you could look at them one at a time. I actually took a long look at Jupiter, especially its Great Red Spot. It is such an interesting phenomenon, if you thing about it. A “storm” that lasts for thousands of years or more. I suppose it is probably similar to the great ocean currents of Earth, but still intriguing. Soon after lunch, we got back in the vans and drove home. I was only able to make it part of the way before Prof. Crabtree took over driving our van.

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Not a whole lot happened over the weekend, other than a minor case of depression, which was helped by a visit to the Saturday market to get a burrito from Ritta’s. I actually hadn’t thought of it until then, but the Saturday market might be a good place to look around for the girl from my last post. I will definitely try to make it there again in the coming weeks. On Sunday, we had D&D session again (I’ve missed the last couple) and got to fight giants, which are rather tough, as you might expect, but we were able to take them on while at level 8, despite the fact that they were technically CR 9s. In that campaign I play a monk with some pretty awesome magic items, but unfortunately fists and kicks are not all that effective against giants. I did alright, though.

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In other news, I basically have the balance down for handstands, and I will be looking to practice a lot more in the coming weeks. I usually do some before playing ultimate on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I keep getting better and better. I’ve gotten a couple sore shoulders from it, but my guess is that will go away as the joints strengthen. I think I am setting my next goal to walk the length of a frisbee field on my hands. That’s almost definitely at least a month or two off, but I think I’ll get there. It’s really fun.

Well, class in the morning. I should try to get some sleep in this heat. I finally put up screens, though! I hopefully won’t boil like I did the other night.

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Some of the music playing during the writing of this:
Last Battle – Cave Story soundtrack
Circle of Life – Lion King
C’mon – Guster
Elephant Love Medley – Moulin Rouge
99 Luftballoons – Nena
Fear of Power – Shadow of the Colossus
Starry Eyed Surprise – Paul Okenfold
Polar Bears – Jason Webley & Andru Bemis (“ducks and pigeons/lines and squares…”)

Belatedness

****EXCITING UPDATE! I FOUND A PICTURE: http://bit.ly/6SZU8 (see below for details)****

It has been over a week since my last post, which is partly due to the fact that I was at the Oregon Country Fair. It was probably the longest period of time that my computer spent actually off. It’s nice to get away from technology for a while. OCF always reminds me of living simple and carefree. Getting back into the real world afterwards is always a bit disappointing and stressful. That may have something to do with why I haven’t posted until now. I may go into detail about my Fair experience this year in this post, or I may not. There are just a lot of personal feelings and emotions that I am hesitant to share. As most of you who know me know, I am a rather introverted person—a clam, if you will.

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I am continuing this post after a few days of letting it sit with only the text above this line.

I’ve kinda lost the magic of OCF once again, as expected. I don’t know how this keeps happening. It is now just a collection of lovely (and bittersweet) memories that continue to lose their tangibility. Well, while I still have them, I might as well explain the above vagueness.

On the second day of Fair, I went out to see the first show of the day at Main stage, which was a group who are friends with some of the people who work in the booth with me. The Shook Twins, to be specific. The band currently consists of these two young women who, as stated, are twins, and a couple of guys, one of which plays the cello, and the other plays the bass. They are quite something. Anyway, while I was there, a very pretty hippie girl caught my eye. She was up front dancing and seemed to know the words. I’m not sure it what it was about her that was so alluring, but she just was something to see. She wasn’t necessarily remarkable, but she stood out to me. She is probably one of the only people I have ever seen with blond dreadlocks who I have been attracted to. Something about her eyes really amazed me too.

I didn’t think too much of it at that point.

However, the next day (Sunday), she came to our booth and ordered a fruit salad. I was mildly pleased, but not terribly surprised. Just about then, the rain (which had been steadily getting worse) began to pour. And did it. So much so that she was forced to take shelter in our booth. This is when I really began to take an interest. Here she was, this amazingly attractive hippie girl, just leaning on one of our counters, eating her fruit salad with her hands as she watched the rain. Of course I, being who I am, made no immediate move to approach her in any way. It wasn’t until a little while later when she asked who was playing at Main stage that day (we can always hear the shows from our booth, being about 50 yards away) that I talked to her. I mentioned that I could grab the Peach Pit (the OCF paper/schedule thing), did so, and we ended up looking at the shows. We exchanged a few more words before I got distracted by the water pooling on the plastic covering the booth and had to address that. She hung around for a little while longer, during which we exchanged a couple smiles, but then disappeared at one point.

Later that day (it was still raining a couple hours later), I was standing out at the front of our booth, considering wandering into the mud, when she passed by. We greeted each other and I explained that I was just about ready to put on some swim shorts and venture out into the mud. Again, a few more words were said, and then she headed off again.

A little while later, I did in fact change and went out to Main stage to listen to the performers, who happened to be Heavyweight Dub Champion and were the first electronic band to perform at the Country Fair. They were rather cool. I went out and stood in the (now light) rain and watched. As I was watching, my eyes came across this girl again, dancing out in the crowd. She eventually saw me too and smiled. At this point, I took off the jacket I was wearing and began to dance a little. This is very strange behavior for me, since I rarely dance, but I guess it was just something to do with this girl that got me to come out of my shell a little. Eventually, I began to dance in earnest (in the rain!) and really enjoy it. At some point, she actually wandered over and commented on the fact that I had actually ventured out finally and began to dance nearby. Of course, this made me a bit nervous because I have absolutely no idea how to approach women, let alone on a dance floor (well, mud field, in this case). I ended up kinda just dancing in place and watching her (not to stalker-like, I hope) as she danced. I really just wanted to go over and dance with her, but couldn’t get up the courage. Eventually, she moved away to join her friends again. I continued to dance until the show finally finished (it was the last of the day) and the crowd dispersed.

As it was clearing, she actually waved at me across the field, and I waved back. This made me very happy. Unfortunately, this is basically the end of it. I could probably have gone and asked her her name (I really wish I had), but again, it didn’t happen. [insert heavy sigh here]

Anyway, I didn’t see her at all the next day and haven’t since. All I can hope for is that I see her next year again.

**Update: I was finally able to find a picture of her, which makes me feel both excited and slightly stalker-ish. Here is the link again in case you didn’t see it the first time. All I’m really asking is to find out her name.

Well, slightly depressing things aside, I really enjoyed Fair again this year, especially Sunday night when I visited the Ritz. Of course, there were tons of people there due to the cold, mud, and rain, so that the place was packed. The sauna was almost full to max most of the time, but I still was able to go between the sauna, the cold shower, the fire and the sauna again about three times, which was amazing. [insert very satisfied sigh here]

So yeah, that was my Fair this year. I even finally gave Jason Webley a hug and offered him a few scant words. It was satisfying.

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In other news, I started my ecology class today (well, yesterday, now), which I think is going to be pretty fun. We’re going to Mt. Pisgah today for a couple hours. I’m looking forward to it. Also, sleep is in order.

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Some of the music I was listening to while writing this:

Jason Webley – Against the Night
some of the music from the Cave Story soundtrack
Die Prinzen – Mein bester Freund

Scraped knees and elbows

I played ultimate today for the first time in I don’t know how long. More than a year. I had gotten rusty on a few things, but for the most part, I got back into it fairly quickly (partly due to my recent running to get in shape). It was really fun, and hard. I actually didn’t lay out at any point during the actual game today (on second thought, I may have), but I had actually laid out to get a disc when I was throwing with my sister before hand. I managed to find one of the rockier parts of the field (yes, the fields seemed to be strewn with little pebbles) and scraped up my knees and elbows. It felt glorious. It has been much too long since I’ve felt that particular pain. It even bled a little. Basically, it helped my image as we assembled to start our game for the day. Nothing like a few badass scrapes in the right places to give you an edge. Anyway, the game itself went well. We surged ahead for the first seven points or so before we lost our steam. I think the final score was 11-12 or so, so it was a close game and a good one. I handled most of the time, so I didn’t end up running as much as I could have, but then again I don’t think I would’ve been able to keep it up as long as I did if that was the case. I was dog tired by the end and my lower back and knees and hips had begun to ache. I will be sore tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. It’ll be difficult to get myself to go out and run.

Nearly all of my throws were consistent and accurate, which was great, considering the little throwing practice I’ve had over the past year. My sense of the field is slowly returning, although I don’t think it’s completely back yet. The rest came back almost instantly. Apparently, my mark is actually rather good, as I got some compliments on it. I had a few mistakes during the course of the game, but who doesn’t. I had a couple throws that I basically used the wrong throw for (hammer throw, oh how I love you), but I’m okay with that. I just need to work on my confidence in my backhand. Hammer throws are fun and rather easy for me, but they have limited use. Ah, well, I think it is time to read for a bit and actually go to bed at a reasonable hour for once. On a related note, I am not going to play any more video games this week.

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I thought I should mention that this post brings my total number of “new posts” (i.e., not for a class) up to 12, which is the same number of “for class” posts that I have. Yay!

Also, I was listening to Dub FX while I was writing this post. He is a great musician who uses a sound board thing and his own voice to make his beats, rhythms and harmonies. Check him out.

Change of plans

It turns out that we didn’t go to Bend after all. Instead, we took a trip to the coast to hike and go canoeing. We hiked at a place called Kentucky falls, which you have to take a large number of winding (and not necessarily paved) roads up into the hills just south of highway 126 to get to the trail head. It is about a two mile hike on which you come across two falls, the upper Kentucky falls, and the lower, where there are actually two waterfalls. It is a very beautiful hike, most of which is downhill to get there. As you can guess, the hike back up was much more strenuous, but it was easier on the knees. I caught a few interesting beetles as well as a couple other insects while on the trip, as I brought my kill jar along just for this. For those of you who don’t know, a kill jar is used for just that: killing insects. It is basically just a mason jar with some plaster of Paris in the bottom in which you put ethyl acetate (nail polish remover, in its pure form). This is very bad for the insects and they subsequently suffocate. Perhaps a bit cruel, but very effective. Takes less than five minutes for some of the smaller insects.

Anyway, after that hike, we drove into Florence and looked for a hotel. Unfortunately, with our lack of foresight about the holiday, it took a little while before we found something available. We ended up staying at Driftwood Shores, which is rather nice, but is a bit out of the way because it is a few miles north of Florence. After checking in, we drove back down to Florence, specifically Old Town, where we found a place to eat and waited for the fireworks to start at 10. The fireworks themselves were not spectacular, but they had their interesting moments. Keep in mind, this is a fairly small city on the coast, so the semi-lackluster show is kinda to be expected. There was also a bit of fog, which added to the fireworks in that these small fog clouds would light up in whatever color the current firework happened to be, but for a large part, it detracted from the show because some of the fireworks were kind of hidden by the fog. Oh well.

The next morning, we were going to go canoeing out on one of the local lakes, but when we got there it seemed a little windy and cold, so instead we opted to go and canoe on the Siuslaw. We found a place to launch and went up river for probably 45 minutes to an hour before heading back down. After that, we stopped at the little store/restaurant known as Alpha-Bit, which is run by a local independent community known as Alpha Farm, located nearby. The sandwiches there are always good and they have good smoothies. I came across a book in the shop that really piqued my interest that apparently was about how to communicate with and utilize the “magickal” powers of dragons, which according to the book, are actually real and inhabit a dimension that is intertwined with ours. I was tempted to buy it just to find out what all was in it, but unfortunately it was just not worth that much to me, however much I might wish dragons were real. Perhaps I’ll find some time to peruse it further in the future. Although it was somewhat amusing, I am not one to laugh outright at the beliefs of others, especially beliefs that feed into my deepest wishes and imagination. I have always been obsessed with dragons, and I am unsure of whether I will ever outgrow that.

Overall, it was a good trip, albeit tiring. I am now counting the hours until I can once again visit that wonderful place known as the Oregon Country Fair and forget the real world for a little while.

Tossing

I tossed a frisbee today with my sister, which is great because she has been wanting to do so for well on two weeks or so now (I’ve been busy). She is currently on her way (actually, I believe she is already there) to Seattle, where she is going to play at Potlatch, a rather large ultimate frisbee tournament that happens every year. I am very jealous of her. It has been far too long since I have played. Kenz (McKenzie) wanted to throw so that she could get some practice in before she left, since she has most of her throws down, but her overhand throws need work, specifically her hammer throw. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to get that worked out before Potlatch, but we’ll have time in the coming weeks, since we are both playing in the Eugene summer ultimate league. Like I said before, I have not played ultimate for real since…well, since I left Mudd, I believe. Anyway, yes, I am really looking forward to this. We found out our team today. We will be on the “Monsoon” team (sweet!). It has been done with colors in the past, but this year they are sticking to teams and requesting that everyone bring a dark and a light shirt to play in each week (yes, it is only one game a week). I’ve been running again for the past few weeks to get back into shape for this and get my endurance back. Luckily, getting back into the running hasn’t been so bad, although I’m again getting those days when I just really don’t want to run. Well, I’ve done pretty well so far as I manage to get 2 or 3 good runs in a week. I am definitely feeling a bit stronger (lunges and squats and pull-ups and handstands will do that) and healthier.

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This evening I am at my parents’ house, where I was helping to buck the last of the hay bales (I really had forgotten how much hard work it is), and I also learned what a very bad bale of hay looks like. Some of the bales were extremely dry and kinda brown, which is partly a result of the cut hay being exposed to the sun for too long and the hay actually being baled twice (some of the bales fell apart the first time around, as often is the case). Luckily we had a number of good bales left and we got 85 bales, which we got in three truckloads of 37, 26, and 22.

Actually, how you fit all the hay on the truck is one of the cooler parts of bucking hay. For those of you who have never been involved with bucking hay, pay attention. Basically, you have a standard pickup truck (in our case a Ford F150), with a long bed. The first lay that actually lays inside the bed is put down, with the bales on their sides (yes, bales do have tops and sides), parallel to the truck, with four close to the cab end of the bed, three between the wheel wells, and four again at the back end, on the extended tailgate. If you are counting, you will note that we now have 11 bales. Anyway, next layer is placed with the bales laying right-side up, perpendicular to the truck. Usually, about 12 bales fit along the length of the truck, in six pairs. Then you do that again. Now we have 35. If you are feeling adventurous, you can go for another layer, but we usually just throw one of the ones that would be on the very back in the third layer on top in the middle and center the other one that is left on the back. After that, we drive it back to the barn and throw it back off and stack it a different way, which is fairly simple: you just set two bales on top of each other, and then stack two more on top of that at a right angle. You can spread this out and it looks like a big woven pattern. Anyway, it is hard work, but is often rather fun, although I must admit I’ve never been involved in a long haul, and I doubt I’d have the true strength or endurance to do so. I must tip my hat to the guys (and gals) who do this for a living. It is difficult.

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For the 4th of July weekend, my parents and I are planning to go over to Bend and do a hike and possibly see the actual WebCyclery shop, which I am very excited for. I am hoping to also catch some of the insects that inhabit that part of Oregon so I can have a few specimens to hand out in the entomology class. I should be able to get an ant lion or two pretty easily, especially if we stay somewhere that has lights burning all night (they are actually rather similar, as adults, to lacewings, which are also attracted to light). So yes, Bend should be fun (and perhaps very hot) and I hope to see some cool bikes as well as some cool sights. Damn, I just realized that I should have brought my camera with, although I may have time to pick it up tomorrow.